When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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