Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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