it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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