I like my sex mixed with concussions.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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