I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
