Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
