I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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