what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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