we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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