Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
