My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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