well I can't set my house on fire every night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
