Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
