apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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