I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
