i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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