If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
