Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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