Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
