I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
