I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
