At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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