At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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