I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you would pick up someone in the library
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
