i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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