i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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