So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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