Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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