you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
