We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
