I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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