Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
