even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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