hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
