alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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