I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
