I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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