I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
