If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize