I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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