also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
