Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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