did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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