You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
