someone threw a dead crab at me
Farmville is her only friend.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize