Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
