Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
