He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
