I didn't shave. On purpose
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
