Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
bring money and cleavage
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Floor bacon is actually really good
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
