Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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