how hairy? two words: wookie tits
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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