1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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