I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
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i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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