tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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