Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
