You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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