I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
