so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
