she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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