Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
