I'm going to jail i love you
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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