she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
