I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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