8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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