the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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