Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
