dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
