sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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