Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
