why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
