There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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