it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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