Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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