I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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