how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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