Kareoke will never be a sober sport
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
