I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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