Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
