The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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