if i can run in heels then i can drive
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am spending my child support on dildos
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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