Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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