You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
